Sunday Funday.

Weekend brunches made perfect with gd company xx. 

Also been so jaded at work, weekends and off days are the only time I get to dress up and be craycray~ In dire need of more of such.

#RIP.LKY

Tonight, my heart is heavy as we mourn the loss of a great man - the late Mr LKY. Many of us may not know the extent of all his deeds, and some may even disagree with his doings. Yet, this man still gave all he could, even more than we deserved. Rags to riches, he brought us. With the nation's great loss slowly sinking in, the more afraid and heavy-hearted I am. This serves as a timely reminder never to take anything or anyone for granted. The riches we get to enjoy now, they're not forever. The people we cross paths with, they're not forever. Let us all remember while we can, to never ever let it be a case of "too late".

Likewise, there is a God who gave the sin-strickened human race more than they deserved. A Father who gave His Son to mankind, so that we might all live a life far more perfect and beautiful. Yet, all we are full of chastisement.

When will we ever learn, before its "too late"?

w o r k

It's been less than a month at my new workplace and can I already say I don't like it one bit? I was genuinely excited about starting work at a brand new environment which seemed to promise so much. But in my short stint there, it was entirely not how I envisioned it to be. It really isn't what I signed up for.

From not being able to wait to start work, to dreading every single minute. And like a curse, time literally crawlssss when at work. I wna go on and on lamenting but I know its not gna change anything. So inclined to leave because I hate it but something else, though I cant put a finger to what, seems to be holding me back. 

I'm just thankful I chose to do part-time only, or my sanity would definitely be compromised. Gna hang in there for a couple more months before (*fingers crossed) my next adventure! 

What A Joke.

Life is sucha funny thing. It's barely 35 days into the new year and I'm already half amused with what these days have been up to. Where do I even begin.. When life decides to steer you in the exact opposite direction of your choice.

I decided that modeling just isn't my cuppa tea; that I should just give up the idea and start looking for a legit job like a responsible 24 yr old, to feed my constantly rumbling stomach and stop depending on my poor folks. So on I go, looking for a job. And then out of nowhere, I start getting more testshoots than before and clinched a contract for somewhere else later part in the year. All the while I was bumming when school was out since last October, nothing happened.  All these just had to happen after I decided its quits. #JokeNo.1

So I said I've been looking for a job yes? Not actively but yes, I try a bit. Shot a couple of emails to organizations overseas and basically just waited. And waited. My heart skips 10 beats in anticipation each time I hear the buzz of an incoming email. Gave up waiting for any sorta reply, even a rejection; nothing ever came. Couple months on, decided to take on a part time job instead. Second day of training for this new job, an email came in and I check my phone as usual. And I nearly wanted to snort out loud at the reply; which basically asked to send in more documents for one of the overseas organization I've applied for. What more perfect timing could I have asked for this reply. "Right after accepting this new job was the most perfect of course", thought life. #JokeNo.2

I simply do not, and cannot, understand what good or lessons is life trying to educate me by playing such jokes. It's not even funny and I can't laugh. Have not come to a conclusion if these happenings are better this way but I guess I'll have to wait out and see..

B'cos I get to decide whichever day I wna be narcissistic, and today it shall be! And b'cos I'm on a conscious mission to feel good abt myself every singe day. Even if it's feeling good, ugly. Actually, I make a pretty Ok-looking cheena tranny (after patting on 10 layers of make up); Ok enough to get picked out by ah peks without their glasses on. 

"In the end, the only things that matter..

How much you loved,

How gently you lived,

And how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. "

Forever 21.

Immeasurably blessed, beyond words can express :') Finding ways despite my efforts to turn them away, best and truest bunch of girlfriends. 

2.0.1.5

Yeap, another 365 days has just whizzed past. Not a single day did time stop for me or any of us for that matter, to catch our breath. And trust me when I say the next 365 days isn't gna get by any slower. As far as my memory hasn't failed me, I rmb each day getting by quicker than ever before. 2015 will be  just another story of yester-years in a blink!

Looking back, 2014 was a complete blur, in all honesty. The most recent or only event that I can barely be proud of was to be done with Uni. It isn't so much a big deal cos I took the easy way out and cut short my stint in school, which really isn't anything to brag. That aside, I don't rmb anything else of 2014. It's truly a tragic thought to have let days slipped by you with nothing to look back on fondly, and the days are gone forever. Well, 2014 is gone forever and no one's ever gna be able to deny that.

Haven't chanced upon or hear abt any less than optimistic views of entering the new year so, call me a wet blanket.. I hated it when we crossed into the new year. I hated it that it was 2015 fur'realz. I can't put a finger to what exactly, but I really really really (and I must really mean business when I have so many 'reallys' in a sentence) didn't wna live past 2014. But life is a funny thing~ Am still upset and sulking like a sore brat ha ha #notamusing.

2015 holds so much uncertainties. Am I even ready to deal with this?? This is probably by far the most clueless and possibly helpless I have ever been in my almost 24 years. Part of me wants so much to leave everything behind and take root somewhere else. This option is up for some serious consideration. Till a decision is made, may each passing day be an easier one for err'body!!

Each time I lament abt life, God never fails to remind me of His goodness. 

Take today, dad and I were driving to ECP for a run and the weather wasn't looking the best. I prayed for God to stop the rain so we could run and lo' He did! Less than 5 mins after we were done with our run, it started to rain again. 

God is Good! 

I could stare at these amazing creatures all day *.*

Recent polas by Ray P xx

Big Talks, Bigger Thoughts

Deep talks for big girls.

Meeting up with the IJ girls over the wkend was prolly the best decision all wk. I think the best thing is how we've known some of each other for the longest time in our lives, some going as far back as 16yrs of friendship! Thru' the yrs, we've seen and heard maybe, the dumbest things we do, the mistakes we make, in and out of love, but most importantly, how much we've grown. Some of the topics that circulated around the table really got me thinking..

If I could turn back time.. One thing I'd do is the choose relationships wisely. Disclaimer first, they were great ppl who gave me beautiful memories to look back upon. The only issue here is that all this remains only as memories, they were nothing for my future. Of cos, you'd think I'm being extremely selfish and maybe I really am but deep down really, I know what's of higher importance. If I could choose to do it all over again, I don't wna do it the same way and hurt my family in the process. I rmb the many instances they would be placed second, the times I've to lie and everything else they did nothing to deserve. Yet at the end of the day, while these relationships didn't last, my family's love did.

Success is.. A handsome pay slip with a great job, a dream jeep, a comfortable home topped with a beautiful family. That'd be my answer to you a few yrs ago. I based my success on material goods and monetary values. Of cos all that would make me happy; I could buy happiness literally. And then I think abt success now and all that don't seem to hold that much of an importance anymore. I won't deny that it's hard to not be greedy and to want more, I still do. #YOLO they say, so why wouldn't I want to give myself the best life without having to count my pennies. But when we leave this earth, what happens? Maybe the ppl who gets a share of the moolah I've left behind will thank me for that, and when it's all used up, they'd be "who that girl~". Easier said than done - I'd rather be the girl who had nothing but gave everything.

Everyday, I try. And I count my blessings.

//

Today,

I made up the most beautiful life in my head. In a country with vast greens and blues, mountains and seas. A farm, and just one farm alone, tucked away from the city centre. I will have sheeps and cows grazing with content. Horses will be my transport. 

I will sleep on stacks of hay if I want to. Or have thick clean white sheets to be tucked under. On the wkends, I will have old gramps come over for tea and scones, and we will sing hymns together and be merry all day. It doesn't matter that we can't get the tune right or fail to hit that high note - we laugh and go on singing. We will chit and we'll chat. We will give praise and bask in the goodness of The Most High.

All year round it will be spring and autumn only. It never gets too hot, and never ever too cold. The perfect amount of sun, rain and wind will fill the entire farmland everyday. Everyday will go by with immense joy and content. 

Tomorrow,

I am gna dream of it again. A dream, I know. 

#IJpride

B'cos I love my girls, and mainly b'cos I'm stuck with the progress (or lack of rather) of my essay.. Longest (and possibly tiniest) friends ever, from 7 till we get to 80 *\ ^.^ /*

Can I just be done with school already >_< It's such a terrible rite of passage to go through hatez x100

The Unsaid.

The wonders of make-up and photoshop.

The most painful thing is seeing and knowing your dearest hurting and not being able to do anything. You go on to hear them say things that implicitly suggests their pain, yet the right words never make it to the tips of your tongue. If anything, I'd trade everything for your happiness. And if anything else, I'd rather lose all of you.

You're the strongest I've ever known, know that I'll always be at the back.

Incoherent picture x incoherent post who cares, don't care.

Basically all I wna be doing right now; under the covers x solitude. 

V I S U A L Z #2

Exploring the old streets of Tiong Bahru with one of the oldest friend, who is sucha beauty both inside and out < 3 Don't ever think yourself to be any lesser Jia!

PS. // You're such an au naturale~ Thankq for always posing for me hehe luvvya!

V I S U A L Z #1

For the record, Sentosa x Tanjong Beach Club 3x in less than a month. #Need.A.Repeatz

WHT.

Ever since the momma came back from NZ, she's been acting all strange. Not in any terrible sense but..maybe I should leave it to your own interpretation. Just one Sunday ago, I was donning an all-white get-up for church while the momma was still trying to think of something to wear. And as pictured, she decided it was perfz to do the other end of the color spectrum - all black. Right down to her shoes, which belongs to me btw. You should've seen the satisfaction on her face with her decision. 

With the sissy back for winter break, of cos I had to have her get behind the lens. Its been so longggg... Ha ha superficial pretentious bitch (you thinkin' that). But its always nice to document stuff and then look back years later and laugh at your silly choices or just for keepsake. So anyways we were walking to the carpark; parents in front, us trailing slowing at the back. When we stopped to take a snap, my mother LITERALLY came running back at us and into the picture. I was.. speechless.

And yup, this happened. 

Anyways, it was Papa Chong's birthday wkend so the sissy decided to book a room at Marina Mandarin. Honestly, I didn't think much of it. It was a kind gesture definitely, and very sweet of her. Maybe I have too many unrealistic ideals in my head. Picked up an old book at home and I pretty much enjoy every bit of it. Though of cos I don't agree with everything written, it's a decent read nonetheless. Snuggle under the thick white fluffy sheets, dressed in bathrobe and bedroom slippers, read at the balcony, bask in the heat, order take-ins and basically be away from the world and live in mine. Just a wk of this, and many repeats maybe. Sigh I'm so tired of growing up.

Boring book for boring girl. 

Learning the #selfie ways~

Sun.Sand.Sea.

Sentosa x2 in 3 days. T'was a good escape from the usual hustle and bustle of city life, before we head back into the grind again (aka stinking school). I could do a repeat of this every week. Keep me in the shade and a few bottles of ice cold beer - that's all you need to keep me quiet.

There's something abt looking at clouds that calms me, all the time. 

First with the uni peeps; the very ppl who've walked the past 3 sems with me, and hopefully the subsequent few sems down the road. Boys as usual, being boys, entertained themselves by dragging/pulling/wrestling, doing whatever they can to get each other down (into the water). Amusing just to watch. Now I sound like an old woman, watching her kids at play.

Next for Princess Char's 23rd! No need for fancy parties or expensive gifts. Just good company, good food and many good laughs. I truly think it's a beautiful gift to have friends you can talk about more serious stuff and do the most retarded things tgt, all at the same time. Like how taking a harmless birthday video can have us planning and directing the whole thing like we were gna shoot a music video. Love how spontaneous all of us can get < 3

Birthday Selfie, Intruded. 

HFD.

So, ytd was Father's Day but I did nothing. No wishes no nothing. It wasn't a case of forgetting; I knew it was Father's Day and I rmb. But still, I said nothing. It was a case of absolute indifference. Do I feel bad abt slping thru' the entire afternoon and doing nothing? Yeah, maybe a little.

People around usually only have praises for my dad and tell me I'm so lucky or I'd be very lucky to find a husband like him, and all the time, I can only manage a pretentious smile and nod. It's not in my liberty to wash his dirty laundry on a social platform like this cos that wouldn't be fair and as much as I use this space to make sense of the mindless rambles I constantly have in my head, Idk who might stumble upon this and read something less than pleasant. Not that I don't appreciate my dad, I do. Not that I don't love him, I do.. But if only, I knew how to love him more. Anyhow, since its Father's day, I'll have something nice to say..

No doubt my dad is one who puts his family before himself and I truly appreciate that. It is his love (and my mother's) that taught me to be selfless, and I want to be someone like him. He taught me to give unconditionally, to give with a cheerful heart, with no expectations of returns. My dad has done exactly that for this family, way more than we've asked for and I am thankful. No matter what our aspirations, be it teaching or dancing, he is always 100% supportive. Doesn't matter that we're not the smartest kids in schools or smart enough to work as well-paid professionals, my dad always gives us his blessings in whatever we want to do. Now that I'm older (and more sensible I'd like to believe), he always tell me of the times I was in secondary school and what a handful I was and how he (along with my mum) was genuinely feeling helpless abt what to do with me. But yet, those ugly years didn't stop him from loving this daughter of his. Sidetracking, honestly, I have every right to believe they're exaggerating the whole thing cos com'on, I was such an angel. I know of real tyrants and my parents think I'm one?? Who they try'na kid!

In short, I wished I was that proud daughter who wants a husband just like her daddy.. Though I don't openly show how much I appreciate all that you've sacrificed for this family, Happy Father's Day nonetheless and Thank You for giving us nothing short of the best. 

I wish I never knew..