Each time I lament abt life, God never fails to remind me of His goodness. 

Take today, dad and I were driving to ECP for a run and the weather wasn't looking the best. I prayed for God to stop the rain so we could run and lo' He did! Less than 5 mins after we were done with our run, it started to rain again. 

God is Good! 

I could stare at these amazing creatures all day *.*

Recent polas by Ray P xx

Big Talks, Bigger Thoughts

Deep talks for big girls.

Meeting up with the IJ girls over the wkend was prolly the best decision all wk. I think the best thing is how we've known some of each other for the longest time in our lives, some going as far back as 16yrs of friendship! Thru' the yrs, we've seen and heard maybe, the dumbest things we do, the mistakes we make, in and out of love, but most importantly, how much we've grown. Some of the topics that circulated around the table really got me thinking..

If I could turn back time.. One thing I'd do is the choose relationships wisely. Disclaimer first, they were great ppl who gave me beautiful memories to look back upon. The only issue here is that all this remains only as memories, they were nothing for my future. Of cos, you'd think I'm being extremely selfish and maybe I really am but deep down really, I know what's of higher importance. If I could choose to do it all over again, I don't wna do it the same way and hurt my family in the process. I rmb the many instances they would be placed second, the times I've to lie and everything else they did nothing to deserve. Yet at the end of the day, while these relationships didn't last, my family's love did.

Success is.. A handsome pay slip with a great job, a dream jeep, a comfortable home topped with a beautiful family. That'd be my answer to you a few yrs ago. I based my success on material goods and monetary values. Of cos all that would make me happy; I could buy happiness literally. And then I think abt success now and all that don't seem to hold that much of an importance anymore. I won't deny that it's hard to not be greedy and to want more, I still do. #YOLO they say, so why wouldn't I want to give myself the best life without having to count my pennies. But when we leave this earth, what happens? Maybe the ppl who gets a share of the moolah I've left behind will thank me for that, and when it's all used up, they'd be "who that girl~". Easier said than done - I'd rather be the girl who had nothing but gave everything.

Everyday, I try. And I count my blessings.

//

Today,

I made up the most beautiful life in my head. In a country with vast greens and blues, mountains and seas. A farm, and just one farm alone, tucked away from the city centre. I will have sheeps and cows grazing with content. Horses will be my transport. 

I will sleep on stacks of hay if I want to. Or have thick clean white sheets to be tucked under. On the wkends, I will have old gramps come over for tea and scones, and we will sing hymns together and be merry all day. It doesn't matter that we can't get the tune right or fail to hit that high note - we laugh and go on singing. We will chit and we'll chat. We will give praise and bask in the goodness of The Most High.

All year round it will be spring and autumn only. It never gets too hot, and never ever too cold. The perfect amount of sun, rain and wind will fill the entire farmland everyday. Everyday will go by with immense joy and content. 

Tomorrow,

I am gna dream of it again. A dream, I know. 

#IJpride

B'cos I love my girls, and mainly b'cos I'm stuck with the progress (or lack of rather) of my essay.. Longest (and possibly tiniest) friends ever, from 7 till we get to 80 *\ ^.^ /*

Can I just be done with school already >_< It's such a terrible rite of passage to go through hatez x100

The Unsaid.

The wonders of make-up and photoshop.

The most painful thing is seeing and knowing your dearest hurting and not being able to do anything. You go on to hear them say things that implicitly suggests their pain, yet the right words never make it to the tips of your tongue. If anything, I'd trade everything for your happiness. And if anything else, I'd rather lose all of you.

You're the strongest I've ever known, know that I'll always be at the back.

Incoherent picture x incoherent post who cares, don't care.

Basically all I wna be doing right now; under the covers x solitude. 

V I S U A L Z #2

Exploring the old streets of Tiong Bahru with one of the oldest friend, who is sucha beauty both inside and out < 3 Don't ever think yourself to be any lesser Jia!

PS. // You're such an au naturale~ Thankq for always posing for me hehe luvvya!

V I S U A L Z #1

For the record, Sentosa x Tanjong Beach Club 3x in less than a month. #Need.A.Repeatz

WHT.

Ever since the momma came back from NZ, she's been acting all strange. Not in any terrible sense but..maybe I should leave it to your own interpretation. Just one Sunday ago, I was donning an all-white get-up for church while the momma was still trying to think of something to wear. And as pictured, she decided it was perfz to do the other end of the color spectrum - all black. Right down to her shoes, which belongs to me btw. You should've seen the satisfaction on her face with her decision. 

With the sissy back for winter break, of cos I had to have her get behind the lens. Its been so longggg... Ha ha superficial pretentious bitch (you thinkin' that). But its always nice to document stuff and then look back years later and laugh at your silly choices or just for keepsake. So anyways we were walking to the carpark; parents in front, us trailing slowing at the back. When we stopped to take a snap, my mother LITERALLY came running back at us and into the picture. I was.. speechless.

And yup, this happened. 

Anyways, it was Papa Chong's birthday wkend so the sissy decided to book a room at Marina Mandarin. Honestly, I didn't think much of it. It was a kind gesture definitely, and very sweet of her. Maybe I have too many unrealistic ideals in my head. Picked up an old book at home and I pretty much enjoy every bit of it. Though of cos I don't agree with everything written, it's a decent read nonetheless. Snuggle under the thick white fluffy sheets, dressed in bathrobe and bedroom slippers, read at the balcony, bask in the heat, order take-ins and basically be away from the world and live in mine. Just a wk of this, and many repeats maybe. Sigh I'm so tired of growing up.

Boring book for boring girl. 

Learning the #selfie ways~

Sun.Sand.Sea.

Sentosa x2 in 3 days. T'was a good escape from the usual hustle and bustle of city life, before we head back into the grind again (aka stinking school). I could do a repeat of this every week. Keep me in the shade and a few bottles of ice cold beer - that's all you need to keep me quiet.

There's something abt looking at clouds that calms me, all the time. 

First with the uni peeps; the very ppl who've walked the past 3 sems with me, and hopefully the subsequent few sems down the road. Boys as usual, being boys, entertained themselves by dragging/pulling/wrestling, doing whatever they can to get each other down (into the water). Amusing just to watch. Now I sound like an old woman, watching her kids at play.

Next for Princess Char's 23rd! No need for fancy parties or expensive gifts. Just good company, good food and many good laughs. I truly think it's a beautiful gift to have friends you can talk about more serious stuff and do the most retarded things tgt, all at the same time. Like how taking a harmless birthday video can have us planning and directing the whole thing like we were gna shoot a music video. Love how spontaneous all of us can get < 3

Birthday Selfie, Intruded. 

HFD.

So, ytd was Father's Day but I did nothing. No wishes no nothing. It wasn't a case of forgetting; I knew it was Father's Day and I rmb. But still, I said nothing. It was a case of absolute indifference. Do I feel bad abt slping thru' the entire afternoon and doing nothing? Yeah, maybe a little.

People around usually only have praises for my dad and tell me I'm so lucky or I'd be very lucky to find a husband like him, and all the time, I can only manage a pretentious smile and nod. It's not in my liberty to wash his dirty laundry on a social platform like this cos that wouldn't be fair and as much as I use this space to make sense of the mindless rambles I constantly have in my head, Idk who might stumble upon this and read something less than pleasant. Not that I don't appreciate my dad, I do. Not that I don't love him, I do.. But if only, I knew how to love him more. Anyhow, since its Father's day, I'll have something nice to say..

No doubt my dad is one who puts his family before himself and I truly appreciate that. It is his love (and my mother's) that taught me to be selfless, and I want to be someone like him. He taught me to give unconditionally, to give with a cheerful heart, with no expectations of returns. My dad has done exactly that for this family, way more than we've asked for and I am thankful. No matter what our aspirations, be it teaching or dancing, he is always 100% supportive. Doesn't matter that we're not the smartest kids in schools or smart enough to work as well-paid professionals, my dad always gives us his blessings in whatever we want to do. Now that I'm older (and more sensible I'd like to believe), he always tell me of the times I was in secondary school and what a handful I was and how he (along with my mum) was genuinely feeling helpless abt what to do with me. But yet, those ugly years didn't stop him from loving this daughter of his. Sidetracking, honestly, I have every right to believe they're exaggerating the whole thing cos com'on, I was such an angel. I know of real tyrants and my parents think I'm one?? Who they try'na kid!

In short, I wished I was that proud daughter who wants a husband just like her daddy.. Though I don't openly show how much I appreciate all that you've sacrificed for this family, Happy Father's Day nonetheless and Thank You for giving us nothing short of the best. 

I wish I never knew..

❄❄.

Everyone with their own busy lives to live, it's never as easy as hanging out after school anymore. With age and busy schedules, I've learnt to appreciate the beauty of wkends spent with ppl who matter. It doesn't have to be a day packed with the most exciting activities or snapping up the best deals in town; it's not all that anymore. 

I was in PJ for less than a yr but I'm thankful for the small handful I've crossed paths with. This girl's all grown up now and I truly appreciate how I've so much to learn from her; even if she doesn't realize that. 

Thankful for this girl :>

Rant Ave.

The morning started on a terrible note. This particular woman makes me sooooo mad, all the friggin' time. And she takes it up notch a each time - honestly Idk how anyone's capable of that so, kudos to you bitch. I'll refrain from mentioning names or spilling too much in case I get myself into a legal dispute but forgive me, I reallyx100 need an avenue to vomit my guts out.

Firstly, for someone your age (she's prolly as old as my momma), pls hold your titties and don't pretend to be unexcited (or in fact very excited) abt your younger colleagues. Secondly, not in front of your students, fo'sure. And then you repeat the story to another colleague. Professionalism - 0. I get it that maybe you think that may up your coolshitz~ factor among the girls but... Thirdly, school programs are planned way in advance. So excuses for unpreparedness is a deffo no-go. Pushing the blame to everything else and everyone else is so child's play, grow up maybe?

Gahaha bitching feels so gd; I do this so much better than churning essays~ So now, Imma put it all behind me but I'd appreciate a better act the next time. That would prolly save you a whole lot of gagging and eye-rollin' from me, womanz. It's ok if you're no gd at everything, just be professional, that's the very least you could offer. Pls and Thankyou.

But of cos, there's certainly some gd in every bad. So yes, the afternoon spent at the dementia care centre was lovely. One of my regrets in life is that my conversing in dialects is hopeless, and I am not even kidding. 90% of the time I could only manage "uhhs" and "mms" and laughing at every damned thing. The other 10% I tried so hard to repeat after them or tell them something totally off-topic with my extremely limited dialect vocab. Like this old lady went on and on abt something I couldn't grasp, and I replied with "your blouse is so pretty". Useless x Hopeless -.- Someone pls practice conversing in dialects with me pretty pls?

Hello, June.

Hasn't been the best past three months (of school), but I'm glad its all over for a bit. Hello 3 wks break! \^.^/ Started the first day of hols with an agency shoot and I can't wait to see the end product!

We couldn't look like the hot angmohs, but we make damn gd ugly asians.

Those heels...were a bitch to balance in.

母亲.

So willingly being silly for me < 3

Everyone's posting/posted Mother's Day msges all over social media, and I am a copycat (albeit a few days late). Just the other day, I had to attend a course with a gd friend of my mum's. Over lunch, we were just casually chatting and the next minute I found myself fighting back the waterworks but failed (so bloody embarrassing).

Honestly, I barely rmb how I was like as a teenager. I wasn't the best definitely, but I don't rmb how terrible I was. So this friend of my mum's was sharing with me that my mother used to tell her how much trouble and heartache I was bringing to her, often leaving her feeling lost and crying. It was the toughest years she had to see thru'. Then recently, they were in Switzerland on a holiday tgt and y'know when you put a few aunties tgt, they either gossip or talk abt their families or both.. And so! This mother of mine can't be any more glad that her terrible daughter is finally wising up.

TQ for having loved and still loving this undeserving daughter of yours. Besides the one above, no one is gna love me as selflessly as you do, even at my worst. 

xx

黑 | Hei.

@captaintallie

So upsetting that I am here in Sg and I can't do anything my for the lil one in NZ; who's having a hard time coping with sch assignments, work, crappy ppl, being alone, and everything else in between. But I just want you to know that your 大姐大 is here to listen to your rants and cries any time, for as long as you want. I'd do anything for you, even if I've to sell my body to buy a ticket to get to you (ok no, I'd just borrow moolahs from your parents). But yeah, you mean that much to me and I want you to feel better soon < 3

You can hold onto me for anything & everything, always.

& I love you even though you always try and be cool like me.

Now you tower over me instead, but I'll always unleash my inner ahlian for you.