HFD.

So, ytd was Father's Day but I did nothing. No wishes no nothing. It wasn't a case of forgetting; I knew it was Father's Day and I rmb. But still, I said nothing. It was a case of absolute indifference. Do I feel bad abt slping thru' the entire afternoon and doing nothing? Yeah, maybe a little.

People around usually only have praises for my dad and tell me I'm so lucky or I'd be very lucky to find a husband like him, and all the time, I can only manage a pretentious smile and nod. It's not in my liberty to wash his dirty laundry on a social platform like this cos that wouldn't be fair and as much as I use this space to make sense of the mindless rambles I constantly have in my head, Idk who might stumble upon this and read something less than pleasant. Not that I don't appreciate my dad, I do. Not that I don't love him, I do.. But if only, I knew how to love him more. Anyhow, since its Father's day, I'll have something nice to say..

No doubt my dad is one who puts his family before himself and I truly appreciate that. It is his love (and my mother's) that taught me to be selfless, and I want to be someone like him. He taught me to give unconditionally, to give with a cheerful heart, with no expectations of returns. My dad has done exactly that for this family, way more than we've asked for and I am thankful. No matter what our aspirations, be it teaching or dancing, he is always 100% supportive. Doesn't matter that we're not the smartest kids in schools or smart enough to work as well-paid professionals, my dad always gives us his blessings in whatever we want to do. Now that I'm older (and more sensible I'd like to believe), he always tell me of the times I was in secondary school and what a handful I was and how he (along with my mum) was genuinely feeling helpless abt what to do with me. But yet, those ugly years didn't stop him from loving this daughter of his. Sidetracking, honestly, I have every right to believe they're exaggerating the whole thing cos com'on, I was such an angel. I know of real tyrants and my parents think I'm one?? Who they try'na kid!

In short, I wished I was that proud daughter who wants a husband just like her daddy.. Though I don't openly show how much I appreciate all that you've sacrificed for this family, Happy Father's Day nonetheless and Thank You for giving us nothing short of the best. 

I wish I never knew..

❄❄.

Everyone with their own busy lives to live, it's never as easy as hanging out after school anymore. With age and busy schedules, I've learnt to appreciate the beauty of wkends spent with ppl who matter. It doesn't have to be a day packed with the most exciting activities or snapping up the best deals in town; it's not all that anymore. 

I was in PJ for less than a yr but I'm thankful for the small handful I've crossed paths with. This girl's all grown up now and I truly appreciate how I've so much to learn from her; even if she doesn't realize that. 

Thankful for this girl :>

Rant Ave.

The morning started on a terrible note. This particular woman makes me sooooo mad, all the friggin' time. And she takes it up notch a each time - honestly Idk how anyone's capable of that so, kudos to you bitch. I'll refrain from mentioning names or spilling too much in case I get myself into a legal dispute but forgive me, I reallyx100 need an avenue to vomit my guts out.

Firstly, for someone your age (she's prolly as old as my momma), pls hold your titties and don't pretend to be unexcited (or in fact very excited) abt your younger colleagues. Secondly, not in front of your students, fo'sure. And then you repeat the story to another colleague. Professionalism - 0. I get it that maybe you think that may up your coolshitz~ factor among the girls but... Thirdly, school programs are planned way in advance. So excuses for unpreparedness is a deffo no-go. Pushing the blame to everything else and everyone else is so child's play, grow up maybe?

Gahaha bitching feels so gd; I do this so much better than churning essays~ So now, Imma put it all behind me but I'd appreciate a better act the next time. That would prolly save you a whole lot of gagging and eye-rollin' from me, womanz. It's ok if you're no gd at everything, just be professional, that's the very least you could offer. Pls and Thankyou.

But of cos, there's certainly some gd in every bad. So yes, the afternoon spent at the dementia care centre was lovely. One of my regrets in life is that my conversing in dialects is hopeless, and I am not even kidding. 90% of the time I could only manage "uhhs" and "mms" and laughing at every damned thing. The other 10% I tried so hard to repeat after them or tell them something totally off-topic with my extremely limited dialect vocab. Like this old lady went on and on abt something I couldn't grasp, and I replied with "your blouse is so pretty". Useless x Hopeless -.- Someone pls practice conversing in dialects with me pretty pls?

Hello, June.

Hasn't been the best past three months (of school), but I'm glad its all over for a bit. Hello 3 wks break! \^.^/ Started the first day of hols with an agency shoot and I can't wait to see the end product!

We couldn't look like the hot angmohs, but we make damn gd ugly asians.

Those heels...were a bitch to balance in.

母亲.

So willingly being silly for me < 3

Everyone's posting/posted Mother's Day msges all over social media, and I am a copycat (albeit a few days late). Just the other day, I had to attend a course with a gd friend of my mum's. Over lunch, we were just casually chatting and the next minute I found myself fighting back the waterworks but failed (so bloody embarrassing).

Honestly, I barely rmb how I was like as a teenager. I wasn't the best definitely, but I don't rmb how terrible I was. So this friend of my mum's was sharing with me that my mother used to tell her how much trouble and heartache I was bringing to her, often leaving her feeling lost and crying. It was the toughest years she had to see thru'. Then recently, they were in Switzerland on a holiday tgt and y'know when you put a few aunties tgt, they either gossip or talk abt their families or both.. And so! This mother of mine can't be any more glad that her terrible daughter is finally wising up.

TQ for having loved and still loving this undeserving daughter of yours. Besides the one above, no one is gna love me as selflessly as you do, even at my worst. 

xx

黑 | Hei.

@captaintallie

So upsetting that I am here in Sg and I can't do anything my for the lil one in NZ; who's having a hard time coping with sch assignments, work, crappy ppl, being alone, and everything else in between. But I just want you to know that your 大姐大 is here to listen to your rants and cries any time, for as long as you want. I'd do anything for you, even if I've to sell my body to buy a ticket to get to you (ok no, I'd just borrow moolahs from your parents). But yeah, you mean that much to me and I want you to feel better soon < 3

You can hold onto me for anything & everything, always.

& I love you even though you always try and be cool like me.

Now you tower over me instead, but I'll always unleash my inner ahlian for you. 

One of the worst nights I had in the longest I can rmb (which possibly isn't too long). It didn't take me too long to drift off to slp, but it definitely took me more than 13hrs before I could pull myself outta bed. Sounds like the perfect Good Friday excuse to slp in? First nightmare, woke up in a shock, fell back aslp and the same nightmare repeated again. I can't rmb if I woke a second time, but another bad dream soon ensued. I don't think my mind has been this overworked in a long time. 

Spent the entire day fearing my dreams. 

So I decided, I needed a breather..

Being the terrible mess I am in the kitchen, these are the only storm I could cook up when no one was around to bother me #domesticfailure.