Big Talks, Bigger Thoughts

Deep talks for big girls.

Meeting up with the IJ girls over the wkend was prolly the best decision all wk. I think the best thing is how we've known some of each other for the longest time in our lives, some going as far back as 16yrs of friendship! Thru' the yrs, we've seen and heard maybe, the dumbest things we do, the mistakes we make, in and out of love, but most importantly, how much we've grown. Some of the topics that circulated around the table really got me thinking..

If I could turn back time.. One thing I'd do is the choose relationships wisely. Disclaimer first, they were great ppl who gave me beautiful memories to look back upon. The only issue here is that all this remains only as memories, they were nothing for my future. Of cos, you'd think I'm being extremely selfish and maybe I really am but deep down really, I know what's of higher importance. If I could choose to do it all over again, I don't wna do it the same way and hurt my family in the process. I rmb the many instances they would be placed second, the times I've to lie and everything else they did nothing to deserve. Yet at the end of the day, while these relationships didn't last, my family's love did.

Success is.. A handsome pay slip with a great job, a dream jeep, a comfortable home topped with a beautiful family. That'd be my answer to you a few yrs ago. I based my success on material goods and monetary values. Of cos all that would make me happy; I could buy happiness literally. And then I think abt success now and all that don't seem to hold that much of an importance anymore. I won't deny that it's hard to not be greedy and to want more, I still do. #YOLO they say, so why wouldn't I want to give myself the best life without having to count my pennies. But when we leave this earth, what happens? Maybe the ppl who gets a share of the moolah I've left behind will thank me for that, and when it's all used up, they'd be "who that girl~". Easier said than done - I'd rather be the girl who had nothing but gave everything.

Everyday, I try. And I count my blessings.

//

Today,

I made up the most beautiful life in my head. In a country with vast greens and blues, mountains and seas. A farm, and just one farm alone, tucked away from the city centre. I will have sheeps and cows grazing with content. Horses will be my transport. 

I will sleep on stacks of hay if I want to. Or have thick clean white sheets to be tucked under. On the wkends, I will have old gramps come over for tea and scones, and we will sing hymns together and be merry all day. It doesn't matter that we can't get the tune right or fail to hit that high note - we laugh and go on singing. We will chit and we'll chat. We will give praise and bask in the goodness of The Most High.

All year round it will be spring and autumn only. It never gets too hot, and never ever too cold. The perfect amount of sun, rain and wind will fill the entire farmland everyday. Everyday will go by with immense joy and content. 

Tomorrow,

I am gna dream of it again. A dream, I know.