Hello, June.

Hasn't been the best past three months (of school), but I'm glad its all over for a bit. Hello 3 wks break! \^.^/ Started the first day of hols with an agency shoot and I can't wait to see the end product!

We couldn't look like the hot angmohs, but we make damn gd ugly asians.

Those heels...were a bitch to balance in.

母亲.

So willingly being silly for me < 3

Everyone's posting/posted Mother's Day msges all over social media, and I am a copycat (albeit a few days late). Just the other day, I had to attend a course with a gd friend of my mum's. Over lunch, we were just casually chatting and the next minute I found myself fighting back the waterworks but failed (so bloody embarrassing).

Honestly, I barely rmb how I was like as a teenager. I wasn't the best definitely, but I don't rmb how terrible I was. So this friend of my mum's was sharing with me that my mother used to tell her how much trouble and heartache I was bringing to her, often leaving her feeling lost and crying. It was the toughest years she had to see thru'. Then recently, they were in Switzerland on a holiday tgt and y'know when you put a few aunties tgt, they either gossip or talk abt their families or both.. And so! This mother of mine can't be any more glad that her terrible daughter is finally wising up.

TQ for having loved and still loving this undeserving daughter of yours. Besides the one above, no one is gna love me as selflessly as you do, even at my worst. 

xx

黑 | Hei.

@captaintallie

So upsetting that I am here in Sg and I can't do anything my for the lil one in NZ; who's having a hard time coping with sch assignments, work, crappy ppl, being alone, and everything else in between. But I just want you to know that your 大姐大 is here to listen to your rants and cries any time, for as long as you want. I'd do anything for you, even if I've to sell my body to buy a ticket to get to you (ok no, I'd just borrow moolahs from your parents). But yeah, you mean that much to me and I want you to feel better soon < 3

You can hold onto me for anything & everything, always.

& I love you even though you always try and be cool like me.

Now you tower over me instead, but I'll always unleash my inner ahlian for you. 

One of the worst nights I had in the longest I can rmb (which possibly isn't too long). It didn't take me too long to drift off to slp, but it definitely took me more than 13hrs before I could pull myself outta bed. Sounds like the perfect Good Friday excuse to slp in? First nightmare, woke up in a shock, fell back aslp and the same nightmare repeated again. I can't rmb if I woke a second time, but another bad dream soon ensued. I don't think my mind has been this overworked in a long time. 

Spent the entire day fearing my dreams. 

So I decided, I needed a breather..

Being the terrible mess I am in the kitchen, these are the only storm I could cook up when no one was around to bother me #domesticfailure.

I.

HK has my folks for the wkends while my sister is halfway round the world and I'm all alone in my parents' humble abode, idling my time away facing a 13" monitor. I quite like this solitude (knowing they're somewhere).

Momsie texted me before scooting, saying she left a note in my drawer. Came home thinking she prolly wrote sweet mushy stuffz but I was greeted with two keys and an post-it note instead. 

"Nat,

In case of emergency:

- Silver key to safe..

- Black key to drawer...will and document inside

- Insurance policy in...

- Love you and take care of Amelia.

< 3 Mummy."

In that instance it felt like my heart sank to the bottoms of the deepest ocean. It brought back vivid memories of my parents' accident so many yrs ago and how we almost lost them. Dealing with death is a given no doubt, but I'm pretty certain I'm not ready for that. Recent saga over the missing MH370 doesn't make it any easier for an overly imaginative mind like mine. I'm terrible at putting my thoughts into words so I keep to myself most of the time, as much as I know it frustrates ppl and how emotionally and mentally unhealthy it could possibly be. Before its too late to regret, I don't ever want to stop remembering how much my parents mean to me.

So qt how puny to look beside the giant duo.

End of dalliance.
Where does this leave us.

Cos everyone can tell,

that I really fell. 

And I'm going thru' hell. 

2014.

And yes, Hello 2014!

Honestly, if anyone asked if I'm looking forward to this brand new yr.. No I am not at all anticipating it. Today, while at New Yr's lunch at my gramp's, I was reminded once again a couple of life truths we all know but sometimes choose to put off for another day or two. "Oh, there's always tmr" we all say.  

Gramps' eldest sister suffers from dementia and is wheelchair-bound. She used to be the most jovial hipster granny who had no qualms giving. When she was still able, Gramps said that her sister would buy things and food for her friends around. Dad was also sharing that when my maternal grandpa was first admitted for stroke, she visited him in the hospital and prayed for him, even though he was a complete stranger to her. And today, she recognizes nobody, have to be ferried around in a wheelchair, fed, cleaned... It broke my heart, and it broke Gramps' heart to see her in this state. The whole time I sat beside them, Gramps kept asking if she rmb her. She kept repeating, "You're jiejie, I am meimei. Do you rmb?" Of cos, Gramps didn't get any response. It was a sight that had me fighting back tears. 

I am not someone who believes in resolutions or stick by any. But in this new yr, I want to give b'cos I've been blessed with much. Before it becomes too late for regrets and we say "If only we had done this and that..", never take anything and the ppl around for granted. 

Others before thyself.